Letting Go
by AlwaysFidelius
Summary: "He was like a brother to me..." In the aftermath of Sirius' death, Nymphadora Tonks finds comfort in the man who knew her cousin as well as she did.
1. Chapter 1

**Well, this is my first fanfiction! Reviews are more than welcome, as are comment! Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters! (A girl can dream, though, can't she?)**

Chapter One

Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, London

"It's true, then?" Hestia Jones stood back as the Order members filed, one by one, into Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. "Sirius is..."

"Yes. Sirius Black is dead." Kingsley Shacklebolt intoned, flicking his wand across the front door; it shut with a sudden, startling bang. "No one comes in or out tonight."

Silence fell across the front hall, every present Order member sensing the undertone in his usually soothing voice: one of their own was dead, and potential enemies lurked everywhere.

"He's right." Mad-Eye thundered. "If anyone opens that door..." He trailed off, false eye spinning at a sickening speed. "It won't end well for that particular individual."

"He's really dead," Hestia said, sounding almost dazed, "Sirius Black is dead." With that she began to weep; Molly Weasley sniffed a few times before herding her into the kitchen, patting her shoulder weakly. The silence that remained was stunned.

"I can't believe this." Tonks muttered, but she could, and with a horrifying clarity. Her cousin, her friend, the man who had triumphed over so much, had perished at the hands of his relative. Of _her_ relative. "I can't believe this."

"It's late." Kingsley said abruptly. "I think we should all try to...sleep. At least get some rest."

"Not me." Mad-Eye countered. "Sirius' death has been a terrible tragedy, but we all need to maintain—"

"_Constant vigilance." _Several Order members chanted under their breath. Mad-Eye gave the present company a curt nod; Tonks could have sworn that he looked almost proud as he stumped away.

A few people lingered in the musty hallway, perhaps too shocked to follow the others into the kitchen. Tonks was among them, Remus Lupin beside her. She saw great pain in his downcast eyes and took some small comfort in the fact that Sirius had had at least one other close friend on this earth.

"This is awful," Dedalus Diggle murmured, "But whatever is going to happen to the house? He didn't have any family to speak of—"

"He did." Tonks said loudly, her sudden outburst drawing surprised glances from the scant crowd. "Sirius had family. _I_ was his family, dammit!" She stopped herself almost mid-sentence, afraid of what might follow—insulting Dedalus, a man whom she hardly knew, or confronting some other innocent bystander in a blind rage.

"Nymphadora..." Lupin began, sounding almost hesitant; Tonks spun on her heel and snapped, "_Don't _bloody call me that!" before turning tail and apparating up the stairs. She knew that downstairs, the little crowd in the hall had heard a sharp crack and seen her vanish, leaving Dedalus Diggle highly confused and everyone standing in awkward silence.

Alone in the spartanly-furnished back bedroom—the room in which she always slept while visiting Sirius—Tonks found herself pacing restlessly. She very rarely lost her temper, and when she did it was a quiet anger. A seething anger. Shouting at poor old Dedalus hadn't done anyone any good, and she couldn't help but feel guilty and immature.

She was still pacing several minutes later when the door opened. Remus Lupin stood in the doorway, looking concerned and saddened.

"What do you want?" As soon as the words left her mouth, Tonks realized how rude she sounded. "Sorry, that was..."

"You were close to Sirius." Remus said patiently. "Family."

Tonks felt hot tears welling in her throat and fought them back. "Come in, then." She said roughly.

Remus stepped into the small bedroom with an air of caution; they stood facing each other, barely a foot apart.

"He was one of my best friends."

"He was—" Tonks was rapidly losing the battle against her tears. "He was like a brother to me."

"I know," Remus said softly, "I know." And then suddenly she was hugging him tightly, her cheek pressed against his chest, crying—no, _sobbing_ for everything that ever was and everything that could have been, for a life cut short and for a man who had been damaged in unspeakable ways.

Tonks might have felt weak and ashamed under normal circumstances, but now she felt only overwhelming sadness. She was vaguely aware of someone guiding her toward the bed, of weeping against another person for lengthy amounts of time. A low, hoarse voice whispering _"Nox" _and the single light flicking off. Someone was embracing her, and she could feel him trembling slightly underneath her. As if he were about to cry but was resisting it.

Remus Lupin was holding her while she cried, and when morning came he had yet to let go.

**Author's note: If you've read this far, thanks! Reviews are always welcome! Also, if I made any obvious mistakes feel free to PM me or just leave me a note in a review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: thanks for the reviews, everyone! Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter...alas, alas! Also, sorry that it took so long to update—but last night I saw the midnight showing of DH Part 2 and it was AMAZING but I was crying pretty much constantly. Especially when Fred, Tonks and Lupin died... O_0**

Chapter Two

Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place

When one falls into a dreamless sleep, time seems to pass quite slowly—this was a fact with which Tonks was well acquainted, and she was reminded of it yet again when morning dawned and she woke to find herself curled up on a semi-unfamiliar bed.

She was also, Tonks realized with a start, not alone—she was lying beside someone, her cheek pressed against...wool? The person beside her was very warm and lying very still, and Tonks realized that they were wearing a sweater vest, a worn red sweater vest. She only knew one person to wear sweater vests.

_Oh, no._

"Remus." She pushed herself upright, feeling a blush heat her cheeks. "What are you doing here?"

It was a stupid question, she knew, but at this time of morning Tonks wasn't very quick on her feet.

"Well, you seemed quite...distraught...last night..." Remus said somewhat slowly, "I tried to leave around midnight but," She saw the shadow of a smile on his face, "You were holding on pretty tightly."

"Merlin, Remus." She pushed herself into a cross-legged position. "You could have woken me up."

"You weren't asleep." Remus looked deeply sad, and Tonks remembered, in a sudden rush, the events of last night. She hung her head, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

"So...Sirius..."

He nodded silently; Tonks tried her hardest not to cry—really _tried_, bit her lip, forced herself to recite Mad-Eye's list of 'Ten Things an Auror Should Never, Ever Do' (crying loudly in the company of others was number five), but she was trembling with the effort of not breaking down. When Tonks felt a tentative hand on her shoulder, the dam broke and she began to sob wildly.

"Hey," A soft voice said, very close to her ear, "It's alright."

Tonks felt very foolish and very childish, crying into the shoulders of a fellow Order member like a little girl. For most of her life she had barely spoken with Sirius—surely Remus knew more about him then she did...

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die." Remus said suddenly; Tonks sniffed quietly.

"What?"

"An author said it once." Remus said somewhat sheepishly. "Maybe a poet. Anyways, it's..."

"I think it's beautiful." Tonks swallowed again, trying—and failing—to not sob. "Sirius would h-have wanted us t-to keep on working a-against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"You're right." Remus said. "I think that's exactly what Sirius would want if he were with us." He paused for a moment, and the shadow of a smile returned to his face. "That, and a bottle of firewhisky."

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Reviews are always welcome! :) Also, the Lupin is quoting Thomas Campbell (The quote belongs to him, copyright, etc. etc.) Thanks again for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for reading, guys! This is my first attempt at fanfic (although I've read it for quite a while) and now that school's out I can write loads more! Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter—everything in the Potterverse belongs to JK Rowling! Also—I am so sorry that it took about a week to get this chapter out! I had awful writer's block and then mistakingly deleted the chapter because I didn't save before I quiet out of the internet! 0_o Thanks for being patient, guys!**

Chapter Three

Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place

In the days following Sirius' death, Tonks decided to avoid Remus as much as possible. This was, she reasoned, a good idea: she had acted like a complete fool in front of him, sobbing with reckless abandon against his shoulder and probably clinging to him in a very embarrassing fashion.

Avoiding Remus wasn't very easy, however. Grimmauld Place was slowly becoming more and more deserted—and this was only right, Tonks thought, seeing as it had been the Black family home. It wasn't right to stay there.

Molly Weasley insisted that they convene at the Burrow for the time being, while Hestia Jones searched (mostly in vain) for another vacant building.

"We'll need rooms, you see," Mad-Eye explained gruffly. "A good number of Order members have been living here recently—" His magical eyes whizzed across the faces of Remus, Tonks and Mundungus Fletcher. "Or at last staying for a few nights at a time."

"True, true." Hestia sounded worried. "I suppose that the Burrow will do for now. We ought to clear out sometime within the next two weeks, though."

"Sounds good to me." Mad-Eye stood and stumped away, his eye going haywire in its socket. Sitting cross-legged on a nearby stool, Tonks ducked her head. Grimmauld Place had become a second home to her—she knew every inch of the musty old house. When the Order cleared out, she would miss it greatly.

Tonks couldn't help but notice that Remus, too, looked exceedingly morose to hear this news. He agreed wholeheartedly that it would be disrespectful to remain in the house, and he was always eager to help as the Order slowly began packing up their belongings. It would take quite a while, they came to realize, because Kreacher had been hoarding things away and hiding important documents from the members.

Mad-Eye griped at length about the Order having to remain in the house for another two weeks. Tonks kept silent, but privately she did not mind at all.

...

"Tonks, dearie, pass me that stack of parchment, won't you?" Molly Weasley gestured toward said stack, a tower of documents set somewhat precariously on the edge of the long kitchen table. Tonks flicked her wand lazily, and the stack drifted across the kitchen and into Molly Weasley's waiting arms.

"You look as if you need something to do." Mrs. Weasley said brightly. "There are some old records upstairs—"

Tonks was certain that Molly's next words would be _"that need filing"_, but thankfully she was cut off by a loud shriek.

"_Filthy mudbloods! Defiling the name of Black—disgrace to the family—"_

"Oh, dear." Molly Weasley waved her wand rapidly, and the papers dropped neatly into a wooden trunk. "It seems that Remus and Mad-Eye are back."

"They were gone for quite a while." Tonks reached for her mug of tea. "Mad-Eye only said that they were going to 'asses a threat'—probably some crazy idea of his, you know how he—" She froze at the sound of footsteps, followed by a shout.

"Oi! Molly!" The gruff voice definitely belonged to Mad-Eye Moody himself. "Remus got himself all cut up—I could do with some help."

"Merlin's beard!" Tonks shot to her feet and dashed into the front hall, tripping over a rolled-up rug on the way. Molly Weasley was close behind, calling,

"Is everyone all right?"

"No." Mad-Eye stood in the hall, half-supporting a staggering Remus. The younger man's arm was slashed quite badly and dripping blood; another wound, not as deep, marred his cheek. "We were ambushed."

"Clearly!" Molly Weasley tutted, fussing over Remus's arm. "How did this happen?"

"A curse." Remus said suddenly, his voice weak. "Popular during my time at school. _Sectumsempra_."

Molly Weasley frowned; Tonks gasped.

"We had a lecture about slashing spells during Auror training!" She reached for Remus's bleeding arm. "I can heal deep cuts like these."

"Glad to hear you haven't forgotten your education." Mad-Eye griped. "I would've sewn him back up if there weren't Death Eaters bearing down on us."

"Death Eaters?" Molly Weasley sounded shocked. "Merlin! Tonks, dear, help him upstairs, will you?"

"Of course." Tonks said quickly.

"I'm fine." Remus said weakly.

"You can barely stand!"

"Just a few cuts..." He broke off, wincing. Tonks ushered him up the stairs and into her bedroom.

"Sit down." She told him. "On the bed."

"I'll bleed on your sheets." He said.

"Shut up," Tonks told Remus kindly, giving him a tense, worried smile. "Besides, none of this is mine. It's all—" She had been about to say "Sirius's", but the words froze in her throat. "All property of the Black family."

"I'm fine." Remus insisted, holding his arm. "Just a few cuts."

"Take off your shirt." Tonks ordered, raising her wand. "I'm a very good Healer."

"Tonks..." She could see a sad, almost desperate gleam in his brown eyes.

She stepped forward, softly determined, and unbuttoned his bloodstained shirt. "You're hurt."

"I'm..." The word "fine" froze on his lips; Remus caught her hands in his. His arm was still bleeding, Tonks saw. She examined the cut as Remus slid the shirt off his shoulders.

Tonks lifted her wand, her eyes silently tracing his scars. There were so many, she thought. A long white scar across his chest, another down his shoulder, so many marks of past pain.

"How..." She did not need to finish the sentence.

"Every month, at the full moon, I become a monster." His eyes were wide with pain. "I feel the need to attack others, to rip and tear innocent flesh. But I was alone in the Shrieking Shack." He paused for a moment. "With no one to attack, I bit myself."

"Oh, Remus." Tonks did not know what to say; she ran the tip of her wand across his scarred skin, murmuing _"Tergeo" _and _"Vulnera Sanenter."_

"Thank you." Remus said softly. Further words, Tonks thought, would be unhelpful. She trailed her hand across his bare chest and stomach, touching his scars with tentative fingers. He expected her to drop her hand, to see fright in her eyes, to watch her stride across the room and wrench the door open, but she did not.

She ran her cold fingers along the newly-healed slash-marks, listening to his sharp intake of breath.

"I'm so sorry." She said.

"For what?" He began, but Tonks had stepped silently forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. She felt Remus's arms slide around her waist, and they stood there, in the middle of the floor in the mostly-empty house, each seeking from comfort from the other.

"It's all going to be okay," Tonks murmured, half to herself.

And Remus replied,

"I know."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for waiting for the past chapter, guys! If you have any comments, suggestions, etc. feel free to leave it in a review, or PM me! Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the associated characters or plotlines (a girl can dream though, can't she?).**

Chapter Four

Nearly a week passed before the gashes on Remus's arm became pale and gradually whitened, just another scar on his arm, his chest. The few members of the Order with time to spare began to clean out the house in earnest.

"Where do you think we ought to put these?" Tonks flicked her wand, and a boxful of dusty photographs floated upwards. "They're of the Black family."

"Throw them away, I suppose." Remus suggested from his spot beside her. They sat cross-legged on the musty old carpet, sorting through endless stacks of papers and moldy old documents. Tonks knew that he was right—that Sirius had always hated the pure-blood elitists that composed most of his family tree. Tonks and her parents were rare exceptions.

"You know, we spent some time alone, Sirius and I." She sighed quietly. "He talked about you like a brother, Remus."

Remus ducked his head, shaggy brown hair nearly obscuring his eyes. Molly Weasley had insisted that Remus have a haircut, curtesy of her bewitched scissors, and Tonks had to admit that it looked very nice. It made him look younger, but just as sad—and he so often looked sad these days, his eyes darkening whenever someone mentioned Sirius's name. Not that Tonks had noticed, of course. Not that she spent half the time in Order meetings staring at him.

"Sirius was like a brother to me." Remus said evenly; they did not dwell any further on the topic, opting instead to sort some more through the boxes.

A few long moments passed before Remus fished a sprig of what appeared to be dried leaves out of a box.

"The things he kept stored away..."

"Oh," Tonks leaned forward, examining the sprig closely. "It's mistletoe."

"Why would Sirius keep mistletoe? It's summertime."

"Maybe he wanted to..." Tonks was wondering how to sentence would end when she did something that was quite surprising, even to herself.

She kissed him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello! Thanks so much to all of those wonderful folks who put this on story alert and favorited it! It means a lot and I'm so glad that people are enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it! Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. (Bit of a shocker, isn't it?)**

Chapter Five

Maybe it was the mistletoe that made her do it, maybe it was the fact that she had secretly sort of fancied the pants off Remus for about six months. But did the reason really matter anyways?

Her fingers were gripping the fabric of his shirt, and she was pulling him towards her, kissing him fervently. Remus groaned something against her lips, and Tonks wondered briefly if she should pull away, but then he too seemed to be kissing her mindlessly, drawing her closer to him, and for a moment the pressing weight of Sirius's death and the promise of oncoming war had vanished. Everything was pure, blissful.

Then, suddenly, something changed. Shifted. Tonks drew away from Remus very quickly, failing to keep a blush from her cheeks.

"Remus—" She began, eyes wide.

"I..." He, too, seemed at a loss for words and slightly bemused, as if he were thinking _what the bloody hell just happened?_ Tonks's train of thought wasn't too far behind. "That was..."

"Uh," She did not want him to finish the sentence, no matter how it might end. "I have to go—Molly Weasley will want help—um, byeRemusseeyouaround."

She turned on her heels and rushed out of the musty old room, breathing hard. Remus called something after her, and she had half a mind to stop and see what he had said, but decided against it.

...

Several hours passed before Tonks saw Remus again. She had set herself about helping Molly Weasley clear up the kitchen, and the task was daunting to say the least.

"_Scourgify_!" Tonks scowled, leveling her wand at one of the many shelves; a good half inch of gray dust vanished.

"Tonks, dear," Molly Weasley magicked a dangerous-looking stack of pots and pans into a large wooden crate. "There's barely any food in this house—why don't you and Remus come back to the Burrow? Kingsley and Moody'll be there, too."

"No, thanks." Tonks said quickly. "I'm not hungry. But it's nice of you to offer, Molly."

"You're always welcome at the Burrow, of course." Molly Weasley said bracingly. "And would you mind terribly telling Remus that Arthur and I received the documents that he sent?"

"I'll tell him." Tonks waved her wand airily over her robes, siphoning away dust and grime. "Night, Molly."

"Good night, dear." Molly Weasley apparated out of the kitchen, leaving Tonks alone in the room. She sank down on one of the long wooden benches beside the table, burying her head in her hands.

A long while passed in silence before she heard footsteps, and moments later felt pressure on her arm.

"Tonks?"

She raised her head; Remus stood before her, one hand on her folded arm.

"What?"

"Maybe we ought to talk," He said slowly, as if thinking over each word before he spoke. "About what happened earlier."

"Yeah?" She shrugged. "Have a seat, then."

He sat. Tonks stared.

"We—"

"We snogged, yeah." She began to feel that god-awful blush again. "Maybe it was a mistake, but..."

"It didn't _feel_ like a mistake." Remus said, then paused. "What I mean to say is that we both, ah, _reacted_ very..."

"Strongly?" Tonks suggested. Remus nodded silently. A moment of awkward quiet passed before Tonks sighed.

"Well, we've got to be out of here by Friday. That gives us three days."

"You're still sleeping here?" Remus sounded almost surprised.

"Yes," Tonks returned, somewhat defensive. "Are you?"

But Remus did not answer. "You'll be alone tonight."

"I don't mind."

"That doesn't strike me as something that should happen at this particular moment. Go home." He urged softly. "Sleeping alone when there's a war on the horizon isn't a good idea."

"I'd be alone in my flat, same as here." She waved her wand sadly, conjuring some flowers in a vase. "And what about yourself? You'd be sleeping alone, too."

"Yes, I would be." She noticed that he said 'would be'. As if there was a possibility that...

"Stay here." Tonks said. "Just for tonight."

"Just for tonight." He agreed.


	6. Chapter 6

**So...thanks to everyone who reviewed for all of the kind words and all! It's really great to know that people are liking this story! :) Also, I'm considering doing a fanart of this story, but I'm not sure which scene to draw. If you have any ideas, feel free to leave them in a review! (I'll put up a link when I'm done, but be warned that I'm not an exceedingly good artist!) Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, odds are that I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it. :D**

Chapter Six

Remus and Tonks climbed the staircase in a silence that they managed to maintain until they reached her bedroom door. It was then that Remus cleared his throat softly.

"I'll be down the hall, I guess. In the room with—"

"No." Tonks said, surprising even herself. "Sleep with me." Then, realizing how that sounded, "I mean, in the same bed. Not...uh, this bed's big enough." She did not admit the truth: that she would rather feel another's warmth beside her than face the night alone.

"Are you sure?"

"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't ask." She noticed that Remus turned his back as she changed into her pyjamas. She slid into the bed and he followed her, looking almost doubtful. Sirius's death had changed things—lots of things, and very quickly. Tonks, who had always seen Remus as a close friend, a man on whom she had a schoolgirlish crush, now felt something more. Attraction—serious attraction. The idea unnerved her a little.

Tonks flicked her wand, muttering '_Nox'_, and the room's single lamp extinguished itself. They were plunged into warm darkness. She could feel Remus beside her and thought that it was not at all unpleasant. Thin strips of moonlight filtered in through the window and illuminated their figures.

"They never really leave us." Remus said suddenly, and Tonks nearly started. "The dead, I mean," He continued. "The ones we love."

A moment of silence passed between them, and for the first time in a while, a smile crept across Tonks's face.

...

When she woke the next morning, he was gone. Tonks dressed hastily and wandered through the house, wondering if perhaps Remus was in the kitchen, or maybe that musty old drawing room, or the front hall. He was not. She pondered the idea of leaving a note before she went off to work, but in the end decided that she could always find Remus later. The breaking day beyond the windows was cloudy and gloomy, and for a moment, just for a moment, Tonks was sorry that the night was over.

The Auror Department was nearly empty when she arrived, save of course for the familiar sight of Mad-Eye Moody lounging in his chair, peg-leg propped up on his cluttered desk.

"Tonks." He nodded curtly as she approached.

"Wotcher, Moody." She returned the nod, wandered over to him. She tried to think of a conversation to start but could not.

"How are ya, Tonks?" Moody's magical eye lingered for a moment on her face. "Doing alright?"

"Yeah, alright." It was a lie and they both knew it, but Tonks sensed that soon the pain would lesson and there was no use worrying Moody about any of it.

"You didn't stay alone last night." It was not a question.

"Remus stayed."

"Did he, now?" Moody's bushy eyebrows nearly disappeared into his tangled hair, but then he nodded a few times and seemed to approve. "Good. We've got to stick together."

_Do we ever._ Tonks returned to her desk and began to sift through a stack of papers and files. Moody was right. Very, very right. The Order was a family, had always been a family, and families, no matter what the trial or tribulation, stuck together.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So sorry that this took about a month to publish! :o But many thanks to all who have read it! And as always feel free to leave a review! **


	7. Chapter 7

**To everyone who has been reading: thank you so much, and all of my apologies that this took so terribly long! Also, this chapter contains intense romance. Just thought you all should have a heads up! :)**

**A/N: Perhaps this is an unpopular opinion, but the Remus Lupin in my head is very different from the movie version (if you've ever seen burdge-bug's drawings of him and Tonks on devientart, you'll know what I mean). I guess I imagine him looking younger, in a way. :| Okay. That was all but pointless, but anyways, reader! Onwards and enjoy! :)**

Chapter Seven

"The last night." Tonks trailed one weary hand across the dusty mirror, her gaze lingering on its ornate frame. Come morning, the Order would be gone for good—and maybe it was for the better. Absent-minded, she found one hand tangled in her hair, lifting a few of the dark strands. It seemed only appropriate to lose the pink for a while, a gesture of respect for her dead cousin.

"It's for the best," Remus said, as though reading her mind. Tonks forced a smile. Lately, things had been confusing at best: Sirius's tragic death, rushing to abandon Grimmauld Place, the stirrings of something that felt a lot like attraction for a man she had always considered a friend. Remus was older, yes, but Tonks still thought him handsome. In a shaggy sort of way, but handsome none the less.

She supposed that she should feel shame for thinking that—for all of her actions regarding Remus. For kissing him, for _wanting _him. And she did. She felt dark tendrils of hot shame creep up every now and then, flushing her cheeks, bringing a silent apology to Sirius to her lips—and yet Tonks could not shake the feeling that maybe this is what Sirius would have wanted: for the Order members, his best friends and family, to rebuild their lives. A war was coming. Love would be scarce soon.

"You're right." She nodded, glanced round the bedroom. It was half-empty. Dusty. Cobwebs clung to the ceilings, and she saw a flash of blue that might have been a stray Cornish Pixie. "Still—we'll never come back here, will we?"

Remus was beside her, then, and he spoke softly. "No."

"I came here once, when I was a kid. Don't really remember it, though." She fought back sudden tears (she _wouldn't _cry, she _wouldn't_ break down...) "Sirius had a rough childhood, you know?"

"I do."

Tonks had been struck recently by the terrible thought that Sirius had hardly ever had a chance to be truly happy. At Hogwarts, maybe, and perhaps here for a while, living with the Order. But beyond that...

"Sirius died knowing that the Order would put a good fight. He died having a family again, Tonks." Remus spoke very close to her ear. Tonks nodded, whispered that she knew. They would all move on, eventually. Not completely, of course, but mostly.

"The last night." The last night in her cousin's home, the most ancient and noble house of Black. "But it's not really the end, is it? It's only the start—this is the beginning of the end for the wizarding world, and most people don't even know it."

"They will." Remus sounded quite grave. "This war will change lives."

_It will end lives._ The thought flashed unbidden across Tonks's mind, but she did not dwell on it. They had each other for now, had the rest of the Order. Dumbledore and Kingsley and Moody and Molly and Arthur, and a dozen others who would fight with all they had, fight until the end.

There was a brief silence, and then Remus spoke.

"About the mistletoe—" He looked sideways at her. "And don't think that I didn't like it, because I did, but—"

"Oh, shut up, Remus," She said, and kissed him. Looking back, this might have been a mistake, and maybe it was, but Tonks could not think of that. She could only think about Remus and the fact that he was kissing her back, and the feeling of his mouth against hers.

She wound her fingers first in the fabric of his jacket, and then in his shaggy hair, and everything felt alright again.

"Your hair," Remus murmured against her lips. His hand was at the back of her head, and without looking she knew that a vicious pink was spreading across her hair, changing almost against her will. Not quite against her will, though, because his lips were at her throat and she felt a pleasure close to pain but shot through with blinding happiness.

"Remus..."

The room seemed to spin around them—they might have kissed for seconds or days or years. Tonks was only half-aware of moving but she must have because she was suddenly her back was pressed to the bedroom wall. A lamp with a dusty shade illuminated the room, the walls, the cobwebs swaying on the ceiling.

She seized his worn jacket's lapels, pulling him closer to her, kissing him with such fervor, and she thought briefly that she had never kissed anyone like this before. It meant something, but she wasn't sure what.

Several minutes passed (was it minutes? Tonks couldn't tell) and somehow they wound up on the bed. It was an old bed, and retained a certain musty odor. Black flowers crept across the thin bedspread. Tonks was on her back and Remus's lips were still on her own, and then she was removing her shirt in a very swift manner.

For a foolish moment her mind wandered to the bra that she was wearing (a fetching shade of neon green) and she realized how very girlish that was, thinking about undergarments while snogging. She did not ponder the subject at length, though, because she was kissing Remus shirtless and everything was very blissful. It was easy to forget, she thought, at a time like this.

He was warm on top of her and Tonks liked this. Things seemed to move in fast-motion and then Remus was taking off his shirt and his hands were over her own and she could see his scars, all of his scars and he knew that she had seen them before and was not afraid.

"Tonks," He murmured into her neck. "Oh, Tonks."

Her hands were on his back and then his stomach and then his chest. Tonks could not deny that this was the fastest that she had ever moved with any wizard but it felt so right. Her wand was beside her on the bed and her hands moved down, towards his belt buckle. Tonks very nearly fumbled but though she might be clumsy her hands were agile, and she did not. Her hands lingered for a moment on the tarnished buckle and then her eyes met his. In a moment, they both froze.

_What are we doing?_

Tonks dropped her hands; Remus fell upon the bed beside her. They were both breathing quickly and suddenly she felt like crying.

A long moment of silence passed between them and, not for the first time, Tonks was reminded painfully of the phrase 'in the heat of the moment'.

"Remus—"

"Tonks—"

"—don't." She said, and sighed quietly. They were both shirtless. She noticed that Remus did not ogle her and felt a small flash of...respect, was it? Maybe.

"The last night." More silence. Tears tracked their way down her cheeks and she felt stupid for crying but there was no way to stop it. Tonks felt warm arms slide around her and she curled into them, shivering very slightly. The room seemed dimmer now. She lay very still and thought that she could hear Remus's heartbeat. It was very quick.

As she closed her eyes, Tonks heard him whisper "I'm sorry," into her hair.

_Don't be_, she thought, and turned to face him, pressing her cheek into his shoulder. By morning, the tears would be dry on her face. The last night at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. A war was on the horizon. For tonight, at least, they had each other.

**A/N: So...what did you think of it? Loved it? Hated it? Voice your opinion, dear readers! :)**


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